Posted by: cranky | September 21, 2008

Penis Pump

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.”

The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, “I’d calm down if I were you.”

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.

Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump’s haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!”

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, “You probably don’t want to do that! I really don’t think you should make him mad.”

“Rubbish,” replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.

“What a ferocious creature!” exclaimed the young, fried alien. “He nearly killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?”

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, “If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my intergalactic travels, you don’t want to mess with a guy who can wrap his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his ear.”

Thanks to JR.



  1. Ok, that was good.

  2. After looking at my avatar, I need to clarify: I was the older alien. Thanks.

  3. 😛

  4. ‘Sup, Cranky? Are you working or laying low from the cops?

  5. What MCPO said.





    Hmm. I’m getting worried.

  6. cranky? Oh cranky? Where is you?

  7. Hospital since 9/29/2008 and praying for a McCain/Palin victory. Bad headache for almost a month. Another procedure in the morning. Miss my dogs.

  8. Cranky – Get well soon!

  9. Oh I hope you’re ok cranky. Please get better. We really miss you.

  10. Hope you’re ok Cranky, please keep us updated buddy.

  11. Hang in there Cranky

  12. Hit on a nurse for me. I hear they just love that.

    Get well soon.

  13. Get well soon Cranky, your dogs miss you.

  14. crank! I was worried. Get well soon.

    And I’ve got half-dozen porn babes demanding to know your hospital room number. Should I give it to ’em?

  15. cranky, you’re in my prayers. Get well quick; threads are going on FOREVER at the hostages 🙂

  16. hahahaha, yeah cranky. we need the thread killah

  17. NOOOOOOOOOOO!! Cranky!!! you have to come back to us at Candy Mountain!!

    We miss you. *sniff

  18. Thread killah might be going home soon. I’m working on the doctors now.

  19. Hope you can go home soon, cranky.

    What, exactly, does ‘working on the doctors’ mean? Do I want to know?

  20. Beat upon them, cranky! Flail away upon them with a will!

    And please get well – and home – soon!

  21. Home. Exhausted. Paid a bunch of bills and cleaned the house. Bed time.

  22. Have a good rest, crank!

  23. Don’t overdo! Do you have somebody to help with the dogs?

  24. Just me, Brew. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Love my girls.

  25. Just take care of yourself hoss.

  26. WP, thanks. People sure seem to think I’m stupid now that I’m sick. That makes me a little bit ill. 😛

  27. Glad you’re home, cranky *hugs

  28. Thank you PA! *hugs*

  29. Cranky, I thought you were stupid long before you got sick….

    Glad the doggies have a face to lick again. I’m sure they welcomed you home appropriately. Take care of yourself.

  30. Sick and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

    Get better.

  31. Good luck. Hope you can get better soon

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