Posted by: cranky | June 2, 2008

Golf

A nun walks into Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

 ‘What troubles you, Sister?’ asks the Mother Superior. ‘I thought this was  the day you spent with your family.’

‘It was,’ sighed the Sister. ‘And I went to play golf with my brother. We  try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ’

‘I seem to recall that,’ the Mother Superior agreed. ‘So, I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?’

‘Far from it,’ snorted the Sister. ‘In fact, I even took the Lord’s name in vain today!’

‘Goodness, Sister!’ gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. ‘You must tell me all about it!’

‘Well, we were on the fifth tee..and this hole is a monster, Mother – 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green… and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted…when it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!’

‘Oh, my!’ commiserated the Mother. ‘How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!’

‘No, that wasn’t it,’ admitted Sister. ‘While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!’

‘Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!’ sympathized Mother.

‘But I didn’t, Mother Superior!’ sobbed the Sister. ‘And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!’

‘So that’s when you cursed,’ said the Mother with a knowing smile.

‘Nope, that wasn’t it either,’ cried the Sister, anguished, ‘because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!’

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest,  fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said…

‘You missed the f—— putt, didn’t you?’

 

h/t JR.

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Responses

  1. *enters showroom*

    *checks out new thread*

    *kicks tires*

  2. I know. I know. It’s old.

    I’m working on secret shit. Can’t talk about it. Keep it on the dahdidit dahdahdah didahdah dahdit didahdidit dahdahdah didahdah.

  3. I wasn’t talking about your joke. I’d actually never heard it before.

    I was just giving you trouble since you have posted anything new in a while due to your new radio and morse code studies.

    When you learn morse code, you’ll need to teach me. It would be fun to insult other morons with that:

    –. .-. .. –.- ..–.-..

  4. http://www.learnmorsecode.com

    I’ve got a book about Morse Code coming and a practice key. Hopefully they’ll arrive this week. Then I’m going to study for the Technician class of the amateur license, take and pass the test, and then start looking to buy some equipment.

    I’d like to help out in case of emergencies and to assist the military via MARS if possible.

  5. Man! You’re serious.

    So do I remember you saying this is something that you’ve been thinking about doing for a while?

  6. I think that was the first golf joke I ever heard. . . in 1968!

    Shot an 81 today with two missed birdie putts!

  7. Rosetta, I’ve had the SW receiver for a couple of years and I always found it interesting to listen to broadcasts from around the world, even if I could not understand the language. It also provides a way to touch base with Holland, a country I was stationed in for 7 years and a country that I also love, since it broadcasts its Radio Nederlands Wereld from Bonaire in the Caribbean. It’s also a connection to my father and what he did during the war.

    I’m also looking for ways to continue to serve. Ham radio operators can help out with the Military Affiliate Radio System and with emergencies when communication systems go down from lack of power or damage to the infrastructure. The local club in Montgomery has a lot of people who are also certified weather observers and that might be another way to help out. So am I kind of serious about it, yes.

    Chief, you missed the fucking putts? Never up, never in. I saw a stat that once said that 99.9% of the putts that don’t reach the hole, don’t go in. Does your husband play?

  8. They were Mexican putts. . . they just needed one more revolution!

  9. Well, I’d never heard it before.

    Heh…..GOOD ONE111!!1!

  10. Chief, outch.

  11. Find any numbers stations yet Cranky?

  12. Still looking. If I had a better receiver, or someday a transceiver, and antenna it might be achievable. Plus if it was fall or winter the reception is better. Not giving up though.

  13. I’ll bet it took you a long time to translate that joke from morse code huh cranky?

  14. Yeah, PJ, I think I probably missed a whole bunch of letters and that’s why it isn’t fall down laugh worthy.


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