Posted by: cranky | November 29, 2007

Gretchen Carlson — Dumb Blonde

Sincere but dumb.  Really dumb.  Blonde?  Check the eyebrows.

This morning she offered her opinion on the subject of kids having too much homework and afterall, she said, colleges want students who are well rounded so kids should practice the violin for three hours a day rather than spend that time on homework.  Because God knows, colleges don’t want kids who can perform academically.

My eyes have not yet returned from the back of my head.  What she was referring to:

Mr. Vallone said he understands that the Department of Education is aiming to improve test scores, but he said an emphasis on homework is taking away students’ childhoods and contributing to child obesity by forcing children to stay at home with their books.

Bullshit on all counts.  If Vallone thinks his girls are getting too much homework he can just tell them to not do it.  How would he enforce such a restriction?  Put homework police in every home?

Gretchen “One Eye” Carlson is an idiot who apparently didn’t do enough homework so now she plays a dumb blonde on television.  Talk about type casting.

Why, oh why did Fox let Kiran Chetry leave?



  1. I don’t think she’s good looking at all but I must be in a small minority. Inexplicably she won Miss America in 1989.

    It would be interesting to get a hold of the interview portion of the contest. I bet she talked about the mapping of the human genome.

    Her face looks all scrunched up or something.


  2. Human genome. GLAR!!!!!!!!!

    Some commenter called her One Eye at one of the links. There’s your scrunched up face. I almost pissed myself. Miss America 1989? Wow, she’s almost geriatric but without the jugs.

  3. Yeah it sux that FnF dumped Kiran- she is such a sweetheart- I can’t bring myself to watch CNN american morning in order to see her

    As far as I can determine, Kiran’s agent made some pretty steep demands at contract time and Fox said ‘see ya’- Gretchen C was waiting in the wings and the deal was done- CNN snapped her up within 24hrs

    I think FnF should rotate their blondes in the center chair- give paige hopkins more playing time- maybe even do the Dhue

    Ooh. Dhue.

  4. Juliet Huddy!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. huddy=hotty

  6. well at least this blogs diatribes help better understand where some of Darwin’s key ideas came from.

  7. I didn’t know Darwin thought Gretchen Carlson was a dumb blonde. Huh.

  8. I guess I’m not getting Jim’s point either. Seems like he might be defending her but all the blood left his head and congealed in his nether regions.

  9. crank,

    Despite Jim’s poor sentence structure, I believe he was complimenting you on the scientific value of your blog.

    I’m pretty sure that’s it.

  10. Science? I’m blind, Jim.

    Or I could just go back and edit my comment to thank him profusely. But that would make Rosetta look like an idiot.

    Wait a minute. I gotta go edit something.

  11. Obviously I was wrong about Jim’s comment and he is absolutely correct. Therefore, Rosetta must be an ass.

    Yep, that’s it. I got it right now.

  12. I got it write now.


  13. Dude, WTF?

  14. Hahahaha.

    I can’t help it that you picked the wrong word.

    Just trying to help by making you feel retarded.

  15. Unless it was actually a ploy by me to see if any of you morons were sober/intelligent enough to catch it.

    Or not.

  16. Possibly related post:

  17. 16 Rosetta
    Possibly related post:

  18. is there an echo in here?

  19. is is there there an an echo echo in in here here??

  20. helllloooooo! hellloooo! helloo! hello! hell

  21. The following is a presentation of Rosetta Community Theater:

    Ob/Gyn: This is the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen.

    pajama momma: Well!! You didn’t have to say it twice!!

    The End.

  22. Oh, you’re gonna git it now, Rosetta. Like a light switch being flicked, IT’S ON!!!!!!!1111!!!1

  23. pajama momma knows I’m kidding!!

    *puts on protective cup*

  24. “I’m blind, Jim.”

    “He’s dead, Jim.”

  25. Jim’s dead?

    Who’s dead? No, Hu’s on first.

  26. You know what really pisses me off?

    The fact that I actually laughed at what rosetta said.

  27. PJM, you should slap slap yourself yourself.


    Gotta finish watching Rio Grande, which is an excellent movie. The Duke and Maureen O’hara.

    G’night. Don’t kick him too hard, you don’t want him to choke on anything.

  28. pajama momma can kick my ass and she and I both know that which is why I would never cross the line.

    On a separate topic, the follwing post has your name in it, cranky. It also has a picture of Julie Bandera and Megyn Kelly that is BUNK worthy.

  29. The reality is rosetta makes fun of my size to make himself feel better about his lack of size.

  30. What is it with women and size? Y’all can be really mean.

  31. the follwing post has your name in it, cranky.

    I’ll be in my bunk for a while and then some. Don’t bother knocking while the house is rocking.

  32. Ninja please! Who started it with this who’ll size business huh?

  33. dammit, I put who’ll

  34. Rosetta did?

    Yeah, that’s right. Rosetta started it.

  35. Is this not starting it?

    Ob/Gyn: This is the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen.

    pajama momma: Well!! You didn’t have to say it twice!!

  36. Are we absolutely sure that wasn’t Rosetta’s Ob/Gyn talking to him/her/it?

  37. Oh yeah, that’s it, that’s the ticket. I just happened to be an observer in the room when rosetta was getting his annual exam. That makes much more sense.

  38. I hope his/her/its doctor refrigerated the instruments to the appropriate 25 degrees Fahreheit — I understand that is an important part of the examination.

  39. I freaking hate that! Why do they make their instruments so damn cold?!?!?!

  40. How many roads must a man walk down
    Before they call him a man?

    How many seas must a white dove sail
    Before she sleeps in the sand?

    How many times must the cannon balls fly
    Before they’re forever banned?

    The vagine, my friend, is flappin in the wind
    PJM’s vagine is flappin in the wind.

  41. Oh now you’ve gone and done it! You could have said my vagine was your friend or it was fresh as an ocean wind, or it’s without sin, or something like that, but noooooooo, you just had to go and be a total bastard.

  42. I can’t tell anyone his name, ’cause I’m totally not going to book an appointment 3 months in advance, but my guy has knitted booties for your feets and the instruments lay under a heating pad before they are used. *sigh*

  43. I predict it’s going to be a couple of rough weeks for Rosetta. Poor man/woman/it.

  44. I”m very jealous pattyann. I cringe every time the doctor whips out that duck bill.

  45. I’m just going to go ahead right now and abjectly apologize for being a man.

  46. This is all your fault cranky.

    all. your. fault.

  47. Sigh.

    Freaking wimmen.

  48. if you gave me chocolate I would like you again.

    • i want to give u choklet

  49. that’s all it takes

  50. seriously




  53. Since I’ve never really talked about your actual post and homework and stuff I will admit, it’s insane the amount the kids get.

    I also find it interesting that my son, the only honor roll, “A” citizenship child in this hellhole neighborhood of mine, is the only one that seems to be inside doing his homework for hours on end. The other neighbors give me shit because I’m not out getting drunk in their driveway with them and letting the kids run around and play, but hell, we have priorities. Yes the kids need to be outside, but they have so much flippin homework.

    I can’t imagine the grades the other kids in the neighborhood must have because they’re allowed to be in the fresh air and sunshine for hours on end.

    Lord knows kids don’t get to run around at recess and lunch anymore.

    That really pisses me off. Kids have recess at their desks these days and the parents are usually giving them sort of
    sweet snack that does
    When I was a kid we ran around like crazy on the playground. People don’t understand kids need to get their wiggles out, so instead of letting them have recess, they give them Riddlin.

    When my son comes home from school he wants to hang out in the garden he planted, but he can’t because he has hours of homework. Why does he have this much homework? Because it wasn’t finished in school because the teacher’s spend most of their time disciplining unruly children.

    I have one “energetic” shall we say child, the other three are relatively mellow. Garren needs to get his wiggles out. He’s a good boy and he’ll listen, but he needs to be kept busy or he will get into some sort of mischief. The fact that they don’t get to run around for recess and lunch makes me nervous for him when he starts school.

    I think I just ranted.


  54. That really pisses me off. Kids have recess at their desks these days and the parents are usually giving them sort of
    sweet snack that does

    grrrrrrrrrrr, cant’ even do a coherent sentence. CHOCOLATE CRANKY!!!! WTF!?!?!?!?

    anyhow, a sweet snack that makes them crash later that they can’t even run off at recess.

  55. Give me your grid coordinates and we’ll have an airdrop of chocolate to your position in a few hours. This is obviously an emergency. Do we need a gunship escort to keep the neighbors away?

    We played sports at recess when I was in school. Whether it was football (tackle with no helmets and no refs — we lived), soccer, softball, dodgeball, etc. Kids need to burn off energy and exercise. After school was more sports. When it got dark we went home and did homework. Dinner, get cleaned up and go to bed.

    We did not have discipline problems that were tolerated. You played by the rules or you got smacked on the ass. Or suspsended, Or expelled.

    Seems to me that too much shit behavior is tolerated nowadays.

  56. I think an airdrop of chocolate would be appropriate.

    I would love it if my son could do his homework after dinner, but there’s way, way too much. He’d never get it done in time.

    We did not have discipline problems that were tolerated. You played by the rules or you got smacked on the ass. Or suspsended, Or expelled

    My kids have a healthy fear of the pajama momma, except my two year old. He doesn’t quite get it yet……..but he will. mwahahahahaha, he will

  57. Low-Altitude Parachute Extraction System (LAPES) is the first one on this video.

    Chocolate Drop

  58. thank you cranky. you make me happy

  59. My knowledge of discpline in schools is that teachers are not allowed to enforce it. The children who need to be disciplined are instead allowed to disrupt everyone else’s learning. The little brats, learn to crave negative attention. since that is the only kind they attract. And that is the fault of their parent(s) and that is sad.

    I believe all children have the potential to be great kids; full of life and love, good humor, and raw intelligence. But they need structure which is what it sounds like you and your husband provide your kids.

  60. Exactly 25,000 hits. Better slow down.

  61. Geez, get a room. :(|)

  62. Exactly 25,000 hits. Better slow down.


    Congratulations cranky! I’ll buy you a beer for your 25,000th hit.

    Even though 12,500 of those were your sock puppets and pajama momma hitting refresh like a retard.


  63. Geez, Miss Hit It Hard is telling someone else to get a room. 😛

  64. That’s funny PA, I was going to tell you and cranky to get a room on The Hostages. That whole cigar thing? uh huh

    wish I’d said it now

  65. 65TH!!!!!!!!

  66. It ain’t all Kevlarchick like but it ain’t bad for a post that began at the end of November.

    You ain’t skeered of checking out the main page here are you?

  67. Gretchen Carlson must have slept with someone at Fox becuase when they picked her over Kiran Chetry they blew all credibility, No wonder why Olberman calls them fixed news

  68. Gretchen Carlson is so stupid she embarrases every other woman on the planet. Fox was scraping the bottom of the barrel when they picked her. Every frigging morning she has to keep bringing up about how her family are in the car dealership business. SO WHAT? WHO CARES?
    The truth is, her family is a bunch of MULTI MILLIONAIRES from the car business. Why should any of us feel sorry for them?
    I like FNC, but this idiot Carlson has to go!

  69. And to this very day she is STILL talking about her momma and daddy’s car business. The past few days that’s ALL she’s talked about. I have been emailing Fox since they hired her and told them the person who decided to hire Gretchen should be fired. What a lousy decision they made to bring her in. The sooner she leaves that show the better!

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